Being Present

I went through a phase in my life where I would literally wake up every morning and say to myself, "I hope today goes by really fast." When I say phase I'm forced to admit that I mean most every day through high school and for at least a year following that. I look back now and realize how much time I spent rushing through my days and not truly enjoying all that I'd been given. I was lazy in my relationships, selfish in my thoughts and honestly all I usually cared about was getting through the day so I could move onto the next. I still had fun of course and loved a lot, but I wasn't truly present. I don't know what caused me to finally become aware of this wasteful habit and once aware I didn't realize how difficult it would be to correct.

Over the course of my journey with Murphy I've learned a lot, but the most recent lesson I've learned has caused me to wonder how many people stifle their desires, silence their inner voice and forget to acknowledge the present. I was forced to wonder how many people get so caught up in going through the motions that they forget to enjoy the little things about every day life. YOUR life. What was I rushing to get too? I couldn't tell you, I didn't give my day a chance to start before I was wishing it would end. What a ridiculous waste of valuable time.

It's all too easy to set life on auto pilot and just cruise on through, not being fully present, not thinking twice about another day that's been freely given to us. It's all too easy to get lost in mundane tasks as another 8 hour work day slowly ticks by. What I've found however, is that easy isn't fulfilling, it isn't satisfying and before you know it, you're wrapped up in easy and your days become overly complicated. That's no way to live friends, no way to spend your time. Your days are meant to be full of so much more than a hour and minute hand slowly moving by.

I've spent a lot of time redefining my own mental practices, rewiring my brain so that I don't fall into old ways of thinking. I've learned to ask myself questions that challenge me to be present;

What am I doing right now that brings me joy?

Have I acknowledged what I need?

Do I have expectations?

If so, what are they and what will having these expectations serve?

(If they don't serve something worth while, I let them go.)

Am I present in my relationships?

Have I acknowledged what others need from me?

And finally, my new mantra for every morning is, "I hope today is full of blessings."

I can tell you that it's true what they say, you get what you give. What you put into the universe, God will give back to you and since becoming truly present and aware in my own life and taking responsibility for my own energy and my own thoughts, my life has changed. I honor myself, I acknowledge what I want, I pray for others and because of this I can say that, I truly enjoy each and every day. Why wait? It's never too late to be who you might have been or have what you've always wanted.



Make yourself a promise to live more from intention and less from habit.


You're worth it,

k&m

Opportunity - Choosing Love for Your Life

Another week and another encouraging word, one that I've been reflecting on for awhile now. When I began my weekly devotionals I had no idea how difficult it would be to convey my reflections and prayers into words for others to read. I love to pray and to spend time each day with God, but I feel so vulnerable putting my individual thoughts out in the open for everyone to read and even judge. I've taken on a challenge that I didn't anticipate and I've caught a lot of heat for it from some, which at first was discouraging, but then I realized that no matter what anyone says, I'm never going to stop being who I am or sharing my love for God and His love for you.

So let's get to it, we begin again in Genesis.

Gen. 4:7 right before Cain murders Abel it says, "....sin lies at the door and it's desire IS for you, but you must rule over it."

You can read the context if you need too, but here's my brief summary. Cain is in relationship with God, but worships Him half-heartedly and then kills his brother Abel, who is faithful and understands the Lord's love comes not from what we do, but who He is. Cain is then punished to a life of wandering without God.

The truth is that at some point in our lives we are all Cain, we know God and love Him, but we are doing things with half of our hearts. The difference now is that as long as we acknowledge God, we cannot wander this life without Him, because we have been forgiven through the blood of Jesus. Sin is a door that will always be open, but I believe it says that sin lies at the door, because it is not powerful enough to stand on it's own. We must let sin into our lives, we must allow it to overtake us, otherwise it just remains there, an open door, an opportunity just like any other.

Of course, it's easy to say that sin is just lying there at the door, but the truth is sin is powerful. It's tempting and sometimes we falter, we allow the excitement of a situation to overwhelm us and instead of thinking of what this will serve, we think of the temporary, of the rush or the high, and we ignore what we know is right. Sometimes we end up in situations we know we shouldn't be in and later regret. Sometimes we play the same stupid moment in our head over and over again. We yell and fight and say really nasty things that we don't mean. And sometimes we hurt others. If you ask me, I think this is the greatest sin, the most regrettable. A moment in which we are so wrapped up in our own flesh that we hurt someone else. The trouble with being human is that while we can ask for forgiveness from God, we can't ever undo the harm that we've caused to another. I hate that sometimes we don't consider the gravity of our impact on other people. One word, one look, one judgement and that's all it takes; suddenly sin is flooding the doorway, you're so angry you can't see straight, the distance between you and God is growing and you're becoming more and more like Cain.

To be a Christian isn't to be better than others. It certainly doesn't mean that I never sin or fall short. I don't go to church every Sunday, but I also don't spend time damning other people to hell. Sometimes I'm half-hearted in my efforts and other times I'm riveted with passion that moves me to tears. To be Christian means that I admit I'll never be good enough, but that I will pursue God anyway. Since becoming a Christian at the age of 19 and making the decision to share my faith with others, I have experienced more judgement than I ever did as a 16 year old girl in high school. I've listened to people tell me I'm brainwashed, I'm ignorant and that I have so much to learn. I've been called names and I've been told that I'm not better than anyone. To which I never know how to respond, because nowhere in my love for Jesus did I declare anything that was harmful in nature to others or their egos. What's funny and ironic, is that when Karlie Ramsay use to come to me in high school and tell me about God, I would say similar things to her. I sat there judging her and Christians alike, claiming them to be self-righteous and ignorant sinners. What I didn't know is that I was the ignorant one. I was the one who was missing out on the radical grace and love of Jesus and all Karlie wanted to do was to share it. She was never claiming to be perfect or judging me for my lack of faith, she was simply inviting me to experience true unconditional love.

That's the best part about God, His unconditional love. With love that grand there is no room for judgement, no disappointment, no criticism. God is either all good or He's not, but He can't be both critical and loving. We however, are human and there's nothing to stop us from judging or hurting others, at least we can tell ourselves that, right?

That's where I believe the biggest misconception of the Christian faith comes in. We are all sinners, but that doesn't mean we can go on sinning just because we throw up a prayer and get out of jail free. The truth is within each of us there is a still quiet voice and that voice guides us each and every day if we allow it too. Whether you want to call it the Holy Spirit, God, your higher conscience or Jimney Cricket doesn't really matter, it's choosing to listen to it that matters. It's choosing love instead of hate. Acceptance instead of judgement. Openness instead of criticism. After all, who are you and better yet, who am I, to say that the way you live is any better or worse than the way I do?

Like sin, judgement, hate, temptation and evil all lie at the door, but what you have to remember is that you have the power to close the door, or to slam it shut, or to step out into your life over it all. It will always be there, tempting you, taunting you, screaming at you and sometimes looking really great. But while evil and its counterparts may lie at the door, God is standing in you; He is in your heart and with you always. He is bigger and greater and more powerful than anything that can come against you, His love is worth fighting for and overcoming all things evil in your life. So don't give in, fight for your God, in your heart, in your life and in everything you do. Come to Him always and take time to listen, not because you're better than anyone else, or because you have something to prove, but because He is the only one who will love you unconditionally.

I'm a sinner. I'm imperfect and I spend a lot of time trying to make things right, but you'll never hear me say that you're wrong. I may not agree with you, I may not like what you have to say and heck, I may not even like you, but I would still invite you to know the love of God. And if like me, you come around, great. If you hate religion and God for the rest of your life, that's okay too, you're no less of a person than I am, you're no less worthy or loved than I am. I don't believe you're going to hell or that you're a bad person. So please, stop putting words in my mouth, when they've been so clearly written here. Don't tell me what I believe or pretend that you're any better than me or anyone else. Deflate your ego, turn down the volume and open up your life. Remember that like sin, God too will present Himself and if you so choose someday you may open that door. Life is about choices and enjoying what we've been given, we are here to love and no one can argue with that. 

As for me in my life, a life wandering without God, is unimaginable. Even Cain comes to find that God's absence in his life is too painful. I chose a life with God and that means living and pursuing him with all of my heart. So on that note, here are reflections for this week:

Read the book of James (specifically 1:12-17) it is so powerful! James wrote a letter to the Jewish Christians outside of Palastine telling them that faith in Christ alone is not enough, it is not enough to hear about it, read about it and know it, we must live it! The blood of Jesus is only worth something in our lives if we allow to be in everything we do! The letter of James tells us that "God promises to give you what you need to live for Him." (1:17). It is not enough for you to simply believe, you have to do!

A few things from 1 Peter. Start with 1 Peter 3:8-4:19. It begins with a blessing over all believers and goes on to talk about serving our God and His glory by doing good work.


"Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your advesary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. But may the God of grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Jesus Christ, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen and settle you. To Him BE the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen." 1 Peter 5: 5-11

Your beliefs do not make you a better person, your behavior does.

Live in love.

Blessings to all,

K&M

A Reminder

Last week I didn't send out an encouraging word, I sat down with the topic I had planned and my intention to write it several times, but for whatever reason it never came together; I couldn't seem to get out what I was really trying to say. I kept thinking that some half-hearted effort wouldn't be the same, but that was the problem. I had spent a week praying and thinking about my topic, how could it possibly feel half-hearted? I decided because it wasn't perfect, I wouldn't send it.

I've had a truly awful time sleeping for quite awhile now and it's been really hard. Plagued with strange restless dreams night after night, losing sleep and then finding myself without energy for days at a time, I feel like I'll never function again. Last night was no different, I woke up sweating and panicked at 3:02 am, frustration kicked in and tears of exhaustion with a tinge of desperation began to fall. I said aloud, "When is this going to get better?!" I sat in my bed folded up and seriously jarred, trying to repaint my dream like my mom had told me to do when I was younger; she would say to me, go through and replace the bad things with happy things. Tired of this routine, I turned over and kicked off all my covers too hot to really need them, but silently thinking that the sheets might offer me some kind of protection I pulled them back up to my chin. I realized that so often in my life I live with this standard of absolute perfection, anything less just isn't enough. I didn't send out an email with an encouraging message to loved ones for the fear that it wouldn't make any real difference if I couldn't find just the right words. I wake up night after night terrified, thinking that if only my dreams were as I repainted them to be I would sleep. Then I almost laughed at myself, I'm a 21 year old laying in bed terrified who has rationalized an inch of fabric as protection. From what? Is a murderer going to walk and think to himself, "Shoot! She's under the covers, maybe next time!" Is the terror I've created in my own head going to be smothered under the layers of cotton? Seriously?!

Sometimes as humans, we do and think ridiculous things, we come to believe certain notions and have standards that we deem totally reasonable. And isn't that the err of humans? Believing we KNOW how it should be, how it is and thinking if only it was this way, then everything would be okay. How incredibly arrogant. Is this not just what I wrote about last week? The state of my faith and position of my heart? Didn't I just challenge everyone to believe that God is who He says He is and we must come before Him humble, with hands open? Someone once told me a story about desperation, it goes something like this: There were two brothers stranded in a desert, both brothers were about to die of dehydration and thirst, they prayed and begged God for rain. When the rain came, one brother grasped for it desperately trying to grab what he could, but got no water; the other brother sat paitently with palms open and allowed the water to pool in his hands. Only one lived.

Sometimes we are so desperate. We think to ourselves if only, if only, if only. We assume we know better and so often we except only "perfection" (at least I do in my own life.) I'm quick to forget that it's not a pile of blankets that will protect me, but a mighty God whom I serve. A God who doesn't expect perfection, who understands and accepts just how "human" I really am. A God who will not only comfort me in my fear, but protect me from evil. So all these thoughts are racing through my head at what's now 4 am and that's when I silently asked myself a better question, "When are you going to believe that this can get better?"

To have faith means we believe. When we're desperate. When we're unsure. When we're vulnerable and cranky and really fricken tired. We don't spend hours repainting it our way and instead we ask God to repaint it for us. We surrender. We give Him our doubts and uncertainty and we stop acting like desperate thirsty people in a desert, because there's nothing to be desperate for. He is here, He is with us and all we have to do is open our hands and our heart. The greatest mistake we can make in our relationship with God, is limiting His greatness or forgetting that the only perfect thing in this life is the cross and the Man who died on it to save us from ourselves. So here's another reminder of sorts, an email that may not be as encouraging or perfect as I hoped all of them to be, but something worth sharing anyway.

Have faith. Trust that any good that you do, is still good, don't waste time measuring its impact or worthiness. Nothing is perfect, don't worry about making it so. Give God the chance to repaint the things in your life that are out of sorts, the things you are so desperate to fix or change. Keep your hands and your heart open and remember God is here, He is with you and yes, He will protect you, whether you're buried underneath your covers or not.


Throughout the week reflect on these passages:

Galatians 3:2-5 (Letting God be God, believing with faith)

2-4 Let me put this question to you: How did your new life begin? Was it by giving up everything and working relentlessly to please God? Or was it by responding to God's message to you? Are you going to continue in this craziness? For only crazy people would think they could complete by their own efforts what was begun by God. If you weren't smart enough or strong enough to begin it, how do you suppose you could perfect it? Did you go through this whole painful learning process for nothing? It is not yet in vain, but you must understand that it certainly will be if this attitude continues.
5-6 Answer this question: Does the God who lavishly provides you with His own presence, His Holy Spirit, working things in your lives you could never do for yourselves, does He do these things because of your strenuous moral striving OR because you trust Him to do them in you? Don't these things happen among you just as they happened with Abraham? He believed God, and that act of belief was turned into a life that was right with God.

Philippians 4:4-9 (Taking your worry and anxiety and instead rejoicing in the Lord and His promises.)

6-7 Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.
8-9 Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious - the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not to curse. Put into practice what you learned, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into His most beautiful and gracious harmonies.

Psalm 121 (God's promise for protection in your life)

3-4 He won't let you stumble, your God won't fall asleep, not on your life! Israel's Guardian will never doze or sleep!
5-6 God's your Guardian, right at your side to protect you- shielding you from sunstroke, sheltering you from shadows of the moon.
7-8 God guards you, from every evil, He guards your very life. He guards you when you leave and when you return, He guards you now, He guards you always.

Blessings and love to all,

Kelci 

The State of Your Faith

As most of you know, this year for Lent I've decided to write a weekly Encouraging Word and I'll say that it was much more challenging than what I originally anticipated. I hope you all find some wisdom, love or encouragement through these messages; this process has allowed me to spend more time in the presence of God and I pray that if nothing else it will allow the same for you. This being my very first time doing anything of this nature made it difficult to know where exactly to begin, so I decided to start in Genesis and make my way from there. I didn’t expect to find much as far as inspiration, but what I did find was the humbling story of Cain and Abel in Genesis 4. Most are familiar with the story of these two brothers, but if you’re not I encourage you to read it and then reflect upon this.

Let us first review the character of these two brothers. Cain is self-righteous, selfish and half-hearted; all the while his brother can be simply described as faithful and willing, but what about the character of God? What is God like? In this short classic story we’re given the exact nature of God. Read Genesis 4:3-5; though both brothers brought offerings to the Lord, God was only pleased with Abel. The issue of a blood sacrifice is essential for the right standing with God, because after Adam and Eve ate the fruit, God had to sacrifice animals to produce coverings for them and therefore hints that a blood sacrifice is a means for covering sin. Cain didn’t learn the lessons of his parents and therefore offers a vegetable sacrifice, the fruit of his own efforts; Abel’s offering however was of something provided by God and not the result of his own efforts, it expresses trust in God’s goodness.

The truth of it is that we must come to Him based upon faith, knowing that the blood of Jesus was enough rather than trying to “earn” His love and grace through our own good deeds and efforts. Abel and Cain’s offerings represent the two different ways we can come to God, either through faith in what Jesus Christ has done for us or on the basis of our own good works. Cain’s approach implies such self-righteousness, that he truly believed in saving himself though his own ideas instead of through the promises of God. How many times have you found yourself questioning God, His intentions or even His plan in your life? Have you turned away from Him completely or maybe just put a safe distance in between God and your life, thinking you can fair without Him? Remember that even in the moments you feel farthest from Him, in moments of your darkest most self-righteous ways of thinking, God is never far from you. You don't have to earn His love, you don't have to be good enough, because none of us are, we all live in sin, we're imperfect, but God loves us, despite us; not because of what we’ve done, but because of who He is. Let your faith stir up action -- remember, it is how we come to God and our attitude of worship and prayer that makes our offerings and lives pleasing and acceptable to Him. Stop worrying about the imaginary checklist that you believe puts you in right standing with God, and start considering the state of your faith and the true motivation of your heart.





Blessings to All,


Kelci

A Year

In my freshman year of college I took a class called the Philosophies of Death and Dying; we spent the semester studying death in cultures and religions across the world. At the time I'd never lost anyone particularly close to me so I was able to get through the class with little to no emotion and truthfully I was fascinated, but all the while friends of mine had a difficult time just sitting through the entire 90 minutes. I didn't understand at the time why so many of my classmates shuddered at the word death or found themselves misty-eyed randomly throughout the course.

Death is something that eludes all understanding, one can only speculate what happens in the moments just before and after that last sigh. And even now after I've experienced so closely the death of someone I loved dearly just a year ago today, I have no better explanation of death than I did before. Now all I have are the memories of a great man who comes to mind frequently and the occasional feeling that wells up inside me that I recognized so regularly in the eyes of my classmates two years ago. 

Some say that dying is our soul transcending into another life, place or time and I like that idea, because transcendence sounds peaceful. Actually, the first time death ever touched my life I was seven. My great grandmother passed away and I remember my mom trying to explain to me what dying was like. At a loss for words she described to me a hand, which was to represent our soul, and on the hand was a glove, our body. When the glove gets too small or too worn down, our soul needs something bigger, something warmer, perhaps a new glove altogether, or perhaps just the freedom to feel the air around it. So I've gone through life with this picture painted peacefully in my mind, imagining death to be a lot like a hand free, the ability to finally touch and feel and experience life for the first time outside the perimeters and confinements of a glove. What I didn't know was that when a soul is finally free to experience whatever lies after this life for us, you're left here still constricted to your glove and ignorance; unable to understand the peace that said soul has transcended into. 

So really it's not death that eludes us, because we all know that it's inevitable, we all know that eventually as those before us, we too will part from this world. So dying and the event of death itself are both well understood, but the question of what happens after death is what remains and is a concept which is to be interpreted uniquely by each individual soul. The event itself can be comprehended, your body is only made to last so long and eventually it wears out, that's the easy part, that's logic and science we can all wrap our heads around. What's not so easy is learning to go on in the absence of a life which you've always known to be there. It's walking into my grandparents house and realizing that no matter how long I wait or how many more times I walk in he's never going to be sitting in his recliner. It's the empty chair during early breakfast and hearing his voice echo in my head and on the answering machine even though he spoke his last words more than a year ago now. This is what's hard, what's scary, because there is no answer, no logic; there's only the absence of a great man; people talking about him in past tense, a widow wandering through her days making an effort to stay busy and catching glimpses of him here and there. I'm left asking myself, if this is what it feels like after the end, what's the point in beginning, in living at all? 

What death has taught me is that living is the opportunity to give. 

And in his life that's exactly what my granpa did. Since his death, a year ago today, I've grown closer to this man, I've come to know who he was, what he stood for and what he was trying to say all those years we spent arguing in the kitchen. I've heard story after story from complete strangers telling me of my granpa's wisdom, of his legacy and I've been floored in moments of grace and aw as I've felt his presence surround me during times of need.

In the weeks before he died, my granpa carried around a small index card in his wallet, it read; "After death your soul lives on, your soul you know, is you in others."

So even now as I sit here with tears rolling down my cheeks and an ache in my heart, I know he's okay. I'm surrounded by him every day, whether it's in an Alanon meeting, sitting around a campfire in Goodland, or listening to my brothers belt out Johnny Cash; I see him and experience him in others and I am comforted, because if nothing else he lived and no matter how many years may come to pass nothing can take from us that which he has given. I know that my granpa is at peace, wherever he is and I trust that someday when the glove of life is lifted from my soul, I too will transcend and though those left behind may mourn and miss me; I hope that they can understand it's only a mere veil that separates me from them and that I will remain forever around and in them in everything I've given to this world. 

Still missing you,

Your Pretty Girl 

Rest In Paradise. 

Living Words

There are so many things I could write about currently. Things that are on my mind, things that have happened, private things, happy things, aha-moment things, things that seem to be staring me right in the face things, things of life things. But somehow with all these things that I could potentially write about, every time I've sat down to write something, the words have disappeared. It's as if they heard the soft sound of the keys on my keyboard and made their way back into the depths of my soul waiting for another day. Tonight however, there are a few words that are sitting here, taunting me, daring me to speak them or write them rather. To take them and turn them into thoughts and join them with other words in a sentence. How strange, you're probably thinking, this girl has words teasing her... right.

I can't explain my fixation with words, my love for them, but lately this idea is one of the many things that keep pressing in the front of my mind, waiting anxiously for me to give it life. That's what words do, they give ideas life, they are living. How wonderful!

Living is a word I've used a lot in my recent posts. It's an adjective, meaning literally to experience being alive, or to have life. How can a word have life? It gives form to everything, in fact not only does a word have life; it GIVES life. A word gives life to the inner workings of your soul, it gives life to relationships, to emotion, to the very things that fill my mind. All of it, is words. Words are everything, they're powerful. I've been obsessed with words from the time I was a little girl, writing down quote after quote, reading book after book, studying lyrics of every song; soaking each word in, letting them tell me the meaning of it all. I heard recently something that has taken my love and obsession for words and multiplied it. It was something so radical my soul took to the idea instantly, allowing it to comfort me and then settle somewhere in my mind to be turned over carefully for awhile, trying to perfect it. I realized after some time that my words weren't really taunting me at all or hiding away somewhere in the back of my mind, they were simply waiting for me to give them the same life they had so suddenly sparked in me.

Genesis (noun, meaning beginning, creation, origin; Latin: meaning birth.) is the first book of the Bible and within the first three verses something profound happens; the world is created! And it's how the world is created that's truly the most profound part to me:


1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. 2 The earth was without form, and void; and darkness was on the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters.

The world was without form, and void, and darkness was on the face of the deep...
There was nothing. Take a moment, imagine nothing; imagine something without form, void, and full of darkness. How does one describe something that is the absence of everything? One doesn't. One simply can't.

BUT THEN.... (And this is the best part, my favorite part.)

3 Then God said, “Let there be light;” and there was light.

THEN GOD SAID.
 

He said it! Said (verb, to say or to speak.)

God created us with words, He created the world with words, He gave life using words. It wasn't an equation or an experiment, it wasn't this + this = this. He simply spoke and then it was. Wow.

These words have jarred something deep within me to wake up, the words are coming, I can feel it in everything I do. I'm at the top of a hill or maybe a mountain, I'm holding my breath and I'm waiting. Don't ask what it is I'm waiting for; I can't describe to you that which I don't know, something that for now is without form. But I can feel it. The words making their way from the deepest parts of my soul all the way to my fingertips, inching closer with every moment that passes. Words, that once gave me life still living within me; quietly making sense of all that surrounds me.


What is your life going to say?


Live with purpose, find your words,

K&M

Jesus > Religion

This has been shared by several all over the web, it's a video that has moved me to tears.
This is something I am so passionate about that I just had to share it here.



By His Grace alone we have been saved, not by the hands of the church or the lives of man. May the body of Christ continue to grow every day as ignorance and hatred is abolished. May people come to understand that God's love is free to all who seek Him. It's not a checklist, it's not a lifestyle, it's NOT an attendance sheet. It's simple. It's love. Do not let the word "Christianity" stop you. Do not let it fool you. Do not let it discourage you. It is not enough to simply go to church, to place a title upon yourself and walk around as if you have the right to God's grace over anyone else. One must spend their life sharing the love and light of Jesus Christ in a humble and honest manner. He did not die so that a church may say to you, "You are saved, but only if you live by this agenda." There is but one agenda, LOVE.

I encourage all to read Romans 12 and remember it is with love, gentleness, humility and the Grace of God that we are intended to serve others. Do not conform to things of this world and do not allow your vision to become impaired by those who use the name of God to bring harm and ill-will to others. Offer freely your forgiveness and remember that you too are a sinner. Not one of us is better than the other, so let us share our love and light with each and every person we encounter. For every one that stands in righteousness, those who are crippled with ignorance will be shown the truth. It's not about who you are or what you've done, it's about who He is and what He already did so that you may have life.


May the love of God dwell within you,
K&M



It. Is. Finished. 

I believe He meant it.

To Live

There's a lot that's happened in the last 365 days of my life.

Looking back I'd like to be able to say that I was able to follow through with every plan and resolution I made, but I guess like usual life had other plans. Originally I was determined to make this last year MY year, whatever that meant at the time. 2011 began with the most devastating loss I have ever experienced, taught me some of the most valuable lessons I've ever learned, and gave me some of the most wonderful memories and moments with people I'll never forget.

That being said, I keep starting each New Year and wondering when it will get easier; I think to myself, "When is it going to be my turn? When is my life finally going to begin?" I look back at the last three years and I envy those around me. I haven't had the "college experience" I've always wanted, I live 1,230 miles away from my best friend, and I've been faced with health problems that most people don't have to think about until they're 70. Sometimes this road I'm on feels like it's never ending.

When I lost my granpa at the beginning of the year I honestly didn't know what would happen next. I was absolutely certain that my life was never going to "begin" and that my "bad luck" was never going to run out. In his death, however; my granpa gave me new life. It didn't happen instantly or even a month after he was gone, just slowly over the course of this year. I've been waiting years for something to happen, anything. I've been waiting for MY moment; the moment that changes everything, that gives me what everyone else has. But the truth is I haven't been waiting, I've just been wasteful. Wasteful of my time with the people in my life, of my energy; wasteful of the many blessings I do have. It's funny how our idea of "having everything" is based solely on our perception of another's life and yet the chances are that they're lying in bed at night wishing for something more as well. If everyone spent as much time doing, as they did waiting, this world would be a different place, a better place. My granpa taught me that, not only in the way he lived his life, but also in his absence. Sometimes it takes something drastic to break a certain way of thinking and I often regret that it took something as drastic as death, to teach me to stop waiting enviously as life passed me by. To make me realize that it wasn’t “bad luck” or luck of any kind for that matter, but simply life just happening, like it does to all of us.

Life is like a book, unopened at first; in perfect condition. The trick is taking it off the shelf and being brave enough to break it open, to dive into the story and begin. Along the way you'll meet plenty of characters, some you'll hate, there will be a protagonist and most likely a “villain”, and at some point you're bound to fall in love; each of these characters will change you. Of course you can't have a good book without a plot, a purpose, or an adventure to keep you reading. But that's just it, you have to keep reading, even when the words run together and your vision blurs. If you don't dare to begin, you'll miss out on the journey that's your life; the pages will remain crisp and blank, the characters unmet. You have the chance to write your own script, one page at time; don't let your ink dry up waiting to get started, because the end will be here before you know it. You don't need what you believe everyone else has; you just need to believe that everything you have is enough. 

2011 was MY year. I didn't check off everything on my To-Do list, I still managed to stumble and I definitely didn't find all the answers, but I did find myself. I finally realized that it's been my turn for the last 21 years, so I stopped wishing and started living. 

My life began this year, because I chose to wake up and do something different. 

My resolution for 2012? 

Keep kicking ass.

May you spend this year living.

Here's to you Granpa, 

Kelcer