Looking back I'd
like to be able to say that I was able to follow through with every plan and
resolution I made, but I guess like usual life had other plans. Originally I
was determined to make this last year MY year, whatever that meant at the time. 2011
began with the most devastating loss I have ever experienced, taught me some of
the most valuable lessons I've ever learned, and gave me some of the most
wonderful memories and moments with people I'll never forget.
That being said, I keep starting each New Year and wondering when
it will get easier; I think to myself, "When is it going to be my turn?
When is my life finally going to begin?" I look back at the last three
years and I envy those around me. I haven't had the "college
experience" I've always wanted, I live 1,230 miles away from my best
friend, and I've been faced with health problems that most people don't have to
think about until they're 70. Sometimes this road I'm on feels like it's never
ending.
When I lost my
granpa at the beginning of the year I honestly didn't know what would happen
next. I was absolutely certain that my life was never going to
"begin" and that my "bad luck" was never going to run out.
In his death, however; my granpa gave me new life. It didn't happen instantly
or even a month after he was gone, just slowly over the course of this year.
I've been waiting years for something to happen, anything. I've been waiting
for MY moment; the moment that changes everything, that gives me what everyone
else has. But the truth is I haven't been waiting, I've just been wasteful. Wasteful of my time
with the people in my life, of my energy; wasteful of the many blessings I do
have. It's funny how our idea of "having everything" is
based solely on our perception of another's life and yet the chances are
that they're lying in bed at night wishing for something more as well. If
everyone spent as much time doing, as they did waiting, this world would be a
different place, a better place. My granpa taught me that, not only in the way
he lived his life, but also in his absence. Sometimes it takes something
drastic to break a certain way of thinking and I often regret that it took
something as drastic as death, to teach me to stop waiting enviously as life
passed me by. To make me realize that it wasn’t “bad luck” or luck of any
kind for that matter, but simply life just happening, like it does to all of
us.
Life is like a
book, unopened at first; in perfect condition. The trick is taking it off the
shelf and being brave enough to break it open, to dive into the story and
begin. Along the way you'll meet plenty of characters, some you'll hate, there
will be a protagonist and most likely a “villain”, and at some point
you're bound to fall in love; each of these characters will change you. Of course you can't have a good book without a
plot, a purpose, or an adventure to keep you reading. But that's just it, you
have to keep reading, even when the words run together and your vision blurs.
If you don't dare to begin, you'll miss out on the journey that's your life;
the pages will remain crisp and blank, the characters unmet. You have the
chance to write your own script, one page at time; don't let your ink dry up
waiting to get started, because the end will be here before you know it. You
don't need what you believe everyone else has; you just need to believe that
everything you have is enough.
2011 was MY year.
I didn't check off everything on my To-Do list, I still managed to stumble and
I definitely didn't find all the answers, but I did find myself. I finally
realized that it's been my turn for the last 21 years, so I stopped wishing and started living.
My life began this year, because I chose to wake up and do
something different.
My resolution for
2012?
Keep kicking
ass.
Here's to you Granpa,
Kelcer
