The Risk

What is a Journey?


A Journey is not a trip. It's not a vacation.


A journey is a process. A discovery. A process of self discovery.


A Journey does not show us the world. It shows us ourselves.
A Journey brings us face to face with who we are meant to be.


Do we create the Journey? Or does our Journey create us?


It begins and ends in the same way, with one single breath.
Between the two, a lifetime.


In that lifetime, a Journey, a story to be told;
Every story worth telling.


My greatest fear?


That no one will want to listen.


The risk?


To tell it anyway.




So there I was, breathing and here I am, breathing still.

Kelci

Here we go again....

Would you believe me if I told you that in 2 months the only things that remain the same about the life I just shared are my job and my kitten?
Would you believe me if I told you that once again my life was turned upside down, backwards and sideways, and here I am, starting over. Again?

Believe it.

This is me, and my new life, again.

In a new place, by myself.

Not in school, not for now.

Working 40 hours a week. A manager.

This is my new life.

New, again.

Slow down? No.

Stop? Never.

This is my new life. For now.


It's time to catch up,

K&M

Isn't she the cutest thing....

In my life I've always found extremists of any kind rather amusing.
Not in a mean way, but in a 'laugh to myself you people are ridiculous' kind of way.
Extremists I have always admired and find especially humoring are those who just LOVE their pets. These people aren't your average pet owners; I'm talking about the people who are pet PARENTS. They're easy to spot at the dog park because they aren't the ones walking their dogs, they're the ones pushing their dogs in a stroller. They make their pet the centerfold in their family Christmas card, nicely groomed in a red sweater that matches everyone else. They talk about their pet as if it was their own flesh and fur. You know the kind, people who love their pets so much that they just can't help themselves.
There are several things in life that we're told we'll never understand until we experience them for ourselves; this whole pet parent thing is one of them and I must very proudly announce that I am now one of "those people".

Let the photo montage BEGIN!!!!

Never say never,

Kelci

Oatmeal Cookies

There's nothing like warm cookies and a glass of ice cold milk.

There's nothing like the feeling you get when you finish a 15-page term paper.

There's nothing like springtime.

There's nothing like your first year of college.


BUT I can tell you what's even BETTER....




FINALLY GETTING A KEY TO YOUR VERY FIRST APARTMENT!!!!!!!!!


And I got mine yesterday!!

Helllloooo, adult life. You're lookin good.


Moving up and moving out,
Kelci

Directions on the road map of life

Isn't it funny how quickly things change? How one moment you feel like you have all the answers for the next 10 years of your life and the next you can't figure out if you want to wear sweatpants or high heels? Life's like that.

What to do next? Where to go?

What if I just don't know...?

When one comes to a crossroads in life, how do we know if it's left or right? Maybe to the left there's a huge city with endless opportunity for success and to the right there's a quiet town where you can enjoy the simple things in life. Why is it always a fork in the road? No one ever talks about what happens if you continue going straight, turning neither left nor right; leaving both the city of dreams and the town of comfort far behind. So what do you do when you come to that point in your life?

You stand alone in solitude. You stand until you cannot stand any longer and then you sit and you don't move and you look to the sky and you scream. You search for answers and for guidance and for a purpose. You ask yourself, but never others, this is your life now, you're ready to do it alone. You wait and you wait and eventually you stand, with confidence, and you begin to walk the path that feels the most right. You continue walking for days, weeks or maybe even years and suddenly there's a pang in your chest and you wander moment through moment, still walking forward, but slowly. You can hear a small but clear voice asking, "What if...?" Time wears on and the voice gets louder and louder, until it's screaming. You're dragging your feet now, hesitant of your next step. And before you know it, you've stopped, tears streaming from your eyes, your mind filled with doubt and you heart with memories, what next? As you stand there frozen, your self-reservation becomes quick sand, move quickly, to the left, the right, forward, but never back. Look back, call back, reach back, but do not move back.

You struggle and you struggle and eventually you triumph, not every time, not all the time, just eventually. And that's life. The road everyone travels. The difference is what you make of it, whether or not you turn, or stay straight doesn't matter. Do you walk slowly because your heart is filled with uncertainty of what could have been; or because you want to enjoy everything along the way? Do you run because you're running from something; or do you run because your full of life? What are you afraid of, the challenges? The quick sand? It's okay to look back, but never remain there, standing and staring at what was or you'll miss everything that's unfolding in front of you. The question is never of left and right, but of moving forward. Move forward, and do so with joy and with certainty. If it feels right, it's right; if it feels wrong, move anyway, with caution and determination. If it doesn't work out there's another fork in the road not far from here; you can ask for directions there.


Standing, but not sinking,
Kelci

A Camaro and Big Money

I will admit that this is my last ditch effort at blogging. I realize again time has passed and almost 2 months have gone by with no recent blog. I started my new semester on February 2nd and am currently enrolled in 20.5 units. Spanish, Spanish lab, Philosophy and World Religions, Journalism: Mass Media, Drawing and of course cheerleading. I've been living on quick dinners, junk food and coffee.

So as with all updates there's the good and the bad news and then there are the random stories in between, we'll begin with the not so great news. Unfortunately I tore my labrum again in my left shoulder, the injury originally occured last swim season when I got a little carried away with my flip turn. I didn't have a major fall, but the wear and tear of flying and cradling has left my arm in a sling again. Basketball season is officially over and I'm happy to report that unlike our football team the boys actually pulled out quite a few wins. The team is now putting together community service projects and focusing on healthy living with guided homework and study guides about how to eat and take care of ourselves. Here are a few pictures from the season:

For those of you who don't know pictured is my best best friend, Alex. Also and commonly known as, Ally, Lex, Al, and Lexington.

So are you dying to know the good news!?!

MY PARENTS GOT ME A CAR!!!

(I wish) BUT my dad did roll up in this new 2010 Chevy Camaro last time he was in town and it was fun to at least pretend for a week. This month was filled with visitors, first my dad came, and then came again and just recently one of Wendy's best friends Rachel came to visit. While my dad was here in February we celebrated his 46th birthday.

I'll be heading back to Colorado in just 10 days for Spring Break and I can barely contain my excitement.

I would also like to take this opportunity to thank the state of California for my tax refund.

Yes, I did earn all 25 cents of that dollar.

Because.

Today is January 29th, it isn't a National holiday, a day of remembrance, or even a day that I have specific memories of in the past. Today is January 29th, it is my Aunt's _ _th birthday. It's a day that will come and go several more times throughout the course of my life, and it will never be a day that I overlook or go through without thinking of Wendy. There are 4 women in my life that I can only hope to be like as I grow older, and today I am writing this for one of them.

I'm writing this for you, Wendy, because...
...Sometimes there aren't enough ways to tell someone thank you.
...I don't think you will ever truly understand how much you've changed my life.
...Lola and I love you soooo much.
...Lola doesn't have thumbs. (This makes typing difficult and my blog hard to read.)
...Today is a day ALL about you.

I love you because...
...You're beautiful. (Yes, even at _ _)
...You never force me to make my bed.
...You are the BEST dog mom.
...You always laugh at my jokes.
...You are my best friend.

You inspire me because...
...Mountains are nothing compared to all that you have conquered in your life.
...You never settle.
...You live with passion.
...You're not afraid to fail (and when you are you don't let your fear overcome you.)
...Of all that you have to offer.

I am grateful for you because...
...You laugh at my jokes.
...You remind me of what's important.
...My rent is very reasonable.
...I know how much you mean to my mama.
...You teach me something new every day.
...You've given me my very own shelf in the pantry and 3/4 of one in the fridge.
...You support me.
...You don't mind living with me (or the characters that spontaneously take over my body.)

I hope you have a Happy Happy HAPPY Birthday Auntie Wen because...
...It only comes once a year!!!
...Next year you'll be _ _!!!!!!
...You deserve all the love, blessings, and twinkies in the world.
(Unfortunately, I'm a college student soooo we'll stick with a box of twinkies.)



Don't forget to blow out the candles,
Kelci

A Year of Self Discovery and Rebellion

I’m confident and okay with saying that 2009 was probably the biggest and most dramatic year of my life to date. Not necessarily in a bad way, but more has changed for me in the last 365 days than ever before and in this time it’s safe to say I’ve learned some about life, a little about myself and a lot about others. Let’s recap my year in a somewhat personal account directly from the horse’s mouth.

Now this is going back to a month before 2009, but I feel as if it may in fact be the most relevant place to start because it is where everything in my 18 year old life as I knew it, changed. December of 2008 my long time boyfriend, Owen and I broke up. 3 ½ years of my life with one person and suddenly he was gone and this began what my parents like to call my ‘Thelma and Louise Days’ and to be honest, they were wonderful, in a twisted sort of adrenaline rush kind of way. A true turning point in my life, where I experienced moments I will never forget. I guess you could say I lost myself when I lost the person I often associated with the most and when this happened all I wanted to do was conquer the world, to show everyone especially myself that I would be okay.

And so began the year where I challenged everyone and everything I had come to know; I rebelled and I got in trouble and I cried and I screamed and I laughed and I found new friends, a new boyfriend and joined the swim team; I moved out for a week and then moved back in; I lost a job and friends and I gained experience; I went to my senior prom with the perfect dress, the perfect company and my night was filled with perfect moments; I graduated from high school; I gave away my baby blanket and received the most meaningful senior book full of memories and letters from the people who are most important in my life; I spent my last summer at home as a kid, I spent the night watching TV in my parents bed with my boyfriend AND my parents, I spent my last day at home at Water World and my last night in a daze holding on to everything I thought I was so ready to let go of; I packed up my room and 18 years of my life into 3 boxes and 2 suitcases; I moved to California and I said goodbye to my parents, my dogs, my brothers and my reality, I said hello to an unexpected friend and a spaniel that’s more enthusiastic about her breakfast than most people are about vacation; I painted my bedroom with my dad, I picked the colors; I went on a ‘date’ with a 23 year old, I stopped seeing him immediately; I joined the cheer team, I let 3 strangers throw me in the air and trusted that they would catch me; I didn’t miss a single football game, I did miss my mama, my goldfish and my cousins 7th birthday; I met my best friend, the quarterback and went to my first themed party; I learned that distance does matter and sometimes love isn’t enough, I learned what it’s like to be homesick, I learned that even your closest friends are going to screw up and it’s better to forgive them than it is to lose them; I learned to forgive; I found faith, I found Jesus, I found a little bit more of myself, I found that second chances sometimes aren’t enough, I found a new beginning and a job that I love; I remembered what it was like to have a crush, I remembered why my dad warned me about boys, I remembered how much I hate math; I realized that sometimes it’s not enough to do something for others and instead you must do things for yourself, I also realized that I don’t want children, a dog or a husband any time in the near future; I went to In and Out for the first time, I went to Santa Cruz, Stanford and some crazy parties, I went kind of crazy; I got an A in my hardest class, on my hardest final and my biggest term paper, I got my first paycheck for more than $300, a week after finals I got burnt out and after 5 months I got to finally come home to my family and friends.

An eventful year to say the least and this is only a brief summary, but in this summary I experienced some of the biggest, jaw dropping, and heart breaking moments of my life. Your first year of college is a year that will often define the direction of your life, you either make it or you don’t, you can get distracted, get laid or get moving. I chose to get moving with some distractions yes, but with firm direction and purpose for the person that I intend to be. I guess sometimes it is in losing ourselves that we find who we really are, not to say that my journey of self-discovery is over, no that journey has just begun and 2009 was a wonderful and somewhat harsh kick-start to the entire process.

If I had to sum up what I took away from 2009 it would be appreciation. Appreciation for my family and my beautiful aunt, for new and old friends, for myself and for the courage it took to give up all that I had for everything that I wanted, but mostly appreciation for even the most distant moments that have turned into the most important lessons I could have never learned inside a classroom. I’m not looking for love, major success or even for the answers to some of my lifes biggest questions, I’m just looking forward and in doing so I can only hope that 2010 is full of more defining moments, more laughter, more challenges and maybe even a little more time for myself.


Happy New Year and good luck with all your resolutions,
Kelci