I’m confident and okay with saying that 2009 was probably the biggest and most dramatic year of my life to date. Not necessarily in a bad way, but more has changed for me in the last 365 days than ever before and in this time it’s safe to say I’ve learned some about life, a little about myself and a lot about others. Let’s recap my year in a somewhat personal account directly from the horse’s mouth.
Now this is going back to a month before 2009, but I feel as if it may in fact be the most relevant place to start because it is where everything in my 18 year old life as I knew it, changed. December of 2008 my long time boyfriend, Owen and I broke up. 3 ½ years of my life with one person and suddenly he was gone and this began what my parents like to call my ‘Thelma and Louise Days’ and to be honest, they were wonderful, in a twisted sort of adrenaline rush kind of way. A true turning point in my life, where I experienced moments I will never forget. I guess you could say I lost myself when I lost the person I often associated with the most and when this happened all I wanted to do was conquer the world, to show everyone especially myself that I would be okay.
And so began the year where I challenged everyone and everything I had come to know; I rebelled and I got in trouble and I cried and I screamed and I laughed and I found new friends, a new boyfriend and joined the swim team; I moved out for a week and then moved back in; I lost a job and friends and I gained experience; I went to my senior prom with the perfect dress, the perfect company and my night was filled with perfect moments; I graduated from high school; I gave away my baby blanket and received the most meaningful senior book full of memories and letters from the people who are most important in my life; I spent my last summer at home as a kid, I spent the night watching TV in my parents bed with my boyfriend AND my parents, I spent my last day at home at Water World and my last night in a daze holding on to everything I thought I was so ready to let go of; I packed up my room and 18 years of my life into 3 boxes and 2 suitcases; I moved to California and I said goodbye to my parents, my dogs, my brothers and my reality, I said hello to an unexpected friend and a spaniel that’s more enthusiastic about her breakfast than most people are about vacation; I painted my bedroom with my dad, I picked the colors; I went on a ‘date’ with a 23 year old, I stopped seeing him immediately; I joined the cheer team, I let 3 strangers throw me in the air and trusted that they would catch me; I didn’t miss a single football game, I did miss my mama, my goldfish and my cousins 7th birthday; I met my best friend, the quarterback and went to my first themed party; I learned that distance does matter and sometimes love isn’t enough, I learned what it’s like to be homesick, I learned that even your closest friends are going to screw up and it’s better to forgive them than it is to lose them; I learned to forgive; I found faith, I found Jesus, I found a little bit more of myself, I found that second chances sometimes aren’t enough, I found a new beginning and a job that I love; I remembered what it was like to have a crush, I remembered why my dad warned me about boys, I remembered how much I hate math; I realized that sometimes it’s not enough to do something for others and instead you must do things for yourself, I also realized that I don’t want children, a dog or a husband any time in the near future; I went to In and Out for the first time, I went to Santa Cruz, Stanford and some crazy parties, I went kind of crazy; I got an A in my hardest class, on my hardest final and my biggest term paper, I got my first paycheck for more than $300, a week after finals I got burnt out and after 5 months I got to finally come home to my family and friends.
An eventful year to say the least and this is only a brief summary, but in this summary I experienced some of the biggest, jaw dropping, and heart breaking moments of my life. Your first year of college is a year that will often define the direction of your life, you either make it or you don’t, you can get distracted, get laid or get moving. I chose to get moving with some distractions yes, but with firm direction and purpose for the person that I intend to be. I guess sometimes it is in losing ourselves that we find who we really are, not to say that my journey of self-discovery is over, no that journey has just begun and 2009 was a wonderful and somewhat harsh kick-start to the entire process.
If I had to sum up what I took away from 2009 it would be appreciation. Appreciation for my family and my beautiful aunt, for new and old friends, for myself and for the courage it took to give up all that I had for everything that I wanted, but mostly appreciation for even the most distant moments that have turned into the most important lessons I could have never learned inside a classroom. I’m not looking for love, major success or even for the answers to some of my lifes biggest questions, I’m just looking forward and in doing so I can only hope that 2010 is full of more defining moments, more laughter, more challenges and maybe even a little more time for myself.
Happy New Year and good luck with all your resolutions,
Kelci
