I can't get over the fact that SO much can change in the course of a year. This time last year I was just settling into my very first apartment. Now I'm living in a totally different zip code 2,000 miles away from that apartment and staying in my childhood room. I have two completely different jobs and a different group of friends. I've lost a lot, but I've gained even more and looking back even though I often miss my "California Life", as I like to call it, I wouldn't want to change a thing.
When I moved to California I set out to do ONE thing, go to college. I would have never imagined that in two years I'd be back in Loveland, Colorado without an Associates Degree and away from everything that I thought defined success. My parents often tell me that I'm my own worst critic; I think everyone's parents probably tell them that. And though I know it's probably true, the most difficult part about change is that it's inevitable, as is life. Like it or not, things are always going to come up and get in the way. My biggest challenge is not letting those things distract me from what I want and the person I desire to be. It's so easy for me to get wrapped up in the little things and sometimes in things that don't even matter. Then I'm four months down the road and four months farther from my goal than before. I am determined moving forward not to let this happen, or at least I'm taking the first step and acknowledging that it's a bad habit of mine. I always tell my dad that sometimes these "distractions" and experiences are a good thing and I still stand by that statement, because they are. At least they can be, but having goals and saying no once in awhile can be good things too. So I guess this is me amending my resolutions, I want to learn to say no more often. Not to everything and not too often, but often enough to keep myself moving in a forward direction rather than constantly swerving from side to side.
What I've wanted for my future hasn't changed in years, even though my location and my day to day has. I've always been scared to commit to it and share what I want, because I know realistically there's always going to be some distraction or adventure off to the side that may change everything. I've always been scared of saying no, because I don't want to miss out on anything. But the honest truth is this. I want to graduate from college. I want to major in English. I want to spend two years in the Peace Corps. I want to teach English to people abroad and introduce them to the love of God. I want to write a book and publish it. And more than anything else in the world, someday, a long time from now, I want to have and adopt children.
Admitting these things isn't hard and I don't care if someone tells me that they're unrealistic or ridiculous or even if they ask me not to go. I feel called to something greater than myself, something inside me screams with passion to go every day, but for now I am content with waiting. And day by day, year by year, my life is going to continue to change, drastically at times and quietly at others, but I know in my heart that every moment is meant to prepare me for a journey and life far greater than one I can imagine. So there it is, my dreams, aloud for everyone to hear; and no distraction is going to keep me long enough to prevent me from actually living those dreams out.
I am grateful for change, for life and for experience. I am grateful for my parents and all of their support even in my crazy sometimes silly moments. I am grateful for the two years I spent in California, with a loud spaniel and beautiful woman who STILL inspires and motivates me everyday. I am grateful for loss and for the lessons that come with it. But more than anything, I am grateful for my passion, my dreams and the courage I have to make all of it a reality.
This blog is about a little bit of everything, for everyone I love, but mostly it's for myself.
Kelci
